Oh technology, I have a love/hate relationship with electronics. On one hand I think they are a time suck and I have this ideal in my head that our kids will always be entertained without them. However, we are a household of electronics users. I won’t deny it, I really like my iPad and iPhone and use them daily. Where would I be without Wikipedia or 101 Cookbooks? What about the new Google maps! At the age of 10, D learned to write his own computer programs to do his math homework. He loves computers and technology. The use of electronic devices for our kids has been a topic on my mind for quite sometime and so I thought I would talk about it here, to share our experience.
I’d like to rewind three years and set the stage for where we are at now. When S was born we still had a TV and cable. I watched a lot of TV then, more than I am proud of now, mostly to fill the silence of a stay at home mama in a house by herself with a newborn. Eventually as S grew up she began to take notice of the TV and would become entranced. Once I realized what was happening I turned off our cable. We still had Netflix for movies at night but no more TV shows and no more commercials. Suddenly my free time really opened up and I thought: what have I been doing my whole life wasting my time watching TV? I think about all the time I could have learned something awesome like making cheese, learning French, or tending to my own veggie garden. The thing that I thought most important was that my daughter not be transfixed with TV. Once you go without, it’s very hard to be around television.
So fast forward a few more months and S is walking and beginning to mimic sounds. D had recently bought and iPad for me so that I wouldn’t have to sit at the computer during the day. What an amazing piece of technology it is, I won’t go into it because you all know… I use it for everything, from note taking, to finding recipes, and writing blog posts. Then one day S who had never said anything more than mama or papa, blurts out with extreme clarity, “iPad”. We just about doubled over laughing thinking, what have we done?!
The iPad has proven to be a very interesting tool for her. She quickly learned to turn it on and unlock it. We put several Italian animal and number apps on it so that she could hear another voice speaking Italian and learn new words. At 2 years old she could navigate the apps for her without even flinching. The next year we got a second iPad with a camera on it to talk to D’s parents in Italy. We gave the older iPad to Sofia. We took out everything except her apps and a set grouping of videos from YouTube that we screen first. She has no access to the internet.
I would like to interject one thing about movies here since we still have no TV. At 2 1/2 we tried to introduce her to very simple and sweet Miyazaki films dubbed in Italian (once again to push the language). At first she liked them, then she became obsessed. It freaked me out so I stopped letting her watch them. I learned after that though, that obsession is part of the way she learns. She found something else that really interested her and focused on it and only it for over a month. For example the book Nurse Nancy. She read it until the pages were falling out. It sparked an interest in doctors and the human body. She learned all about the human heart and how blood flows.
Back to the iPad…Now at three she has to share the iPad with V who learned to use it so fast I was astounded. The fine motor skills created using this thing just amaze me everyday. Most of our apps are language based relating sounds with pictures, numbers, letters and so on. Over the holidays S has become obsessed with the Nutcracker ballet from several different book versions that we have. We put the video of the London Ballet version of the Nutcracker on her iPad so that she could see the real thing. This was her first introduction to ballet and what an incredible thing it has been for her. She watched the entire almost 2 hour video and then would pick and chose parts that she like the best and play them over and over again. She would then attempt to put her body into the positions that the ballet dancers were in. She learned to sing in tune the opening song. The love of this ballet moved on to others (that we also put on there anticipating this) like Swan Lake and even opera. We’ve checked out books about ballet dancers and she spends most of her days dancing and telling the story of the Nutcracker.
So what is my opinion in the end? I believe that a guided use of technology can be a very useful learning tool. When it is used to learn new skills and expand your knowledge of art science and literature, why not!? We do limit the amount of time the iPad can be used by the girls each day and they must share it with one another. This part is very challenging but a good lesson I think. They are slowly learning to take turns and work together on some things. We try to live a more simple and homemade life but one that is in harmony with technology. We try to show our girls that you can use the computer or iPad in a very useful way. It’s not all about vegging out and playing games.
In the meanwhile we have also sold our TV and cancelled Netflix, as we never ended up watching movies! I spend my nights crafting or reading and D playing games on the computer or reading next to me; it’s interesting how we feel just as close doing different activities in the same room as watching the same movie. Over the holidays we also re-introduced movies for the kids starting with a single showing of the Muppets Christmas Carol, and then some Studio Ghibli and Pixar movies on occasion; since we don’t have a TV we just setup the littlest living room with kid-size furniture and a spare computer monitor attached to a DVD player.
How do you handle technology in your home? Do you say no TV or computer all together? Or like us, do you allow limited access to educational things to supplement their learning experience?
Really interesting. We do have a tv/ipad etc. And we keep a mindful eye on the time usage. Lots of the time the children themselves can say they’ve had enough and stop playing on it/watching tv.(although a struggle often with 9yo son!). And, as ever, there’s a certain amount of peer pressure from friends about what they’ve seen/got. Now I crochet I watch much less that I did before. Everything in moderation for us….in theory!
Thank you for sharing your experience. Moderation really is key I think.
Also, I have friends who have a strict “not before 5pm” policy. From what I’ve seen sometimes that’s backfired a bit with the children unable to focus on much in the run up to the “golden hour of tv” and a long afternoon of “how long til tv?” questions. Really good to see all the thoughts of others here. Also forgot to say we have a focus on a Friday evening of lights down and family “cinema night” where they take turns to pick a film, we all cosy under blankets and we have popcorn/treats which is a fun end to the week.
this is interesting. our “not until 3:00/2:00” policy worked great for us, but maybe that’s because they had more time — plenty of time, since they’re homeschooled and don’t have homework (and we don’t have abundant afternoon activities). they have never dashed to get to the TV or video games, and they’ve been disappointed when their screens-restricted friends come over and *only* want to do those things.
It’s a hard question. We did no TV at all for K until this Christmas, when we started watching Christmas movies. But then he wanted to watch constantly, so we’ve cut back to weekends only. I’ve decided it’s more about what makes sense in “the now” rather than having a firm, unchangeable rule. I don’t want the TV to be on all the time, but I don’t think making it “forbidden fruit” is going to serve us well either.
Agreed Meryl! S has already shown interest in writing thanks to the iPad and the key board. She likes to find the letters to spell her name.
We are similar to what Meryl said. The TV is there, but not on constantly. The internet is used moreso than the TV. Some internet time is “free play” time, and others I direct the kids to educational websites and games. We can watch pretty much any movie online, so we only have very basic cable mainly for the news, PBS and shows like Jeopardy are our family tv time (which we are not religious about watching any of them).
Thanks for sharing your experience! D and I loved watching movies. Now with the girls so active at night and my crafting all the time , movie watching has fallen to the wayside. Maybe one day when we can share films with the girls we’ll watch them again.
a timely discussion, kc. we’ve *just* entered this world with z. it all started with the potty last month. you may remember our struggle… i found that letting her find distraction looking at pictures with my old iphone helped her relax enough to let it all out, so to speak. she’s *only* allowed to look at photos and videos (of family life) on the phone and i’ve been weaning her of the ‘need’ to have it to go poop. along with potty learning we found a great video on youtube called ‘bear in the big blue house; the potty episode’. it has also been very helpful in our work around the potty. now, i’ve been using the bear videos as incentives for cooperating throughout the day. she’s allowed two videos a day (each 20 minutes) and they reenforce themes that we’ve been working on ; cooperating and cleaning up. i’m not entirely comfortable with it, but i also don’t believe that total tech-free living is the answer either. she sees me on the computer, and my iphone and like D, my man also makes his living from the computer, and works at home, so she sees that as well. not to mention weekly skype calls with family. we’re finding the balance that works for us. and we’ve been a tv-free house hold for years. i went through my tv addict phase in my 20′s and i’m happy to say i’m recovered now
S and i will watch a few shows a week on hulu, after the kids are asleep. and i agree with meryl, the “forbidden fruit” approach is bound to backfire. thanks for the space to “talk” it out.
You are welcome! Your mentioning your experience with z inspired this post. I totally agree with you on forbidden fruit. With limits I am comfortable with S’s use of technology is ok with me. Plus she is very good at it. I cold see her learning to program at an early age.
i’ve written quite a bit about this, but short answer: when the boys were younger they could watch TV or movies or play video games or computer games as much as they wanted after 3:00 p.m. (then 2:00 p.m. when they got older … then eventually they were free to set their own schedule). this way, they developed *many* interests and hobbies, they got used to “working” in the morning and early afternoon and “playing” in the late afternoon and evening (although of course there was a lot of overlap between what you would call “work” and what you would call “play”). they still used the computer in the mornings for research, writing, blogging, editing photographs and movies, and so on.
at 13, my younger son still abides by the cut-off because he “wants to be sure to get [his] work done.” (his personal work being writing and drawing comics.) my 16yo uses the computer throughout the day but plays very few video games and watches very little TV; he is writing, blogging, researching, and so forth.
i feel strongly that the key is (1) letting them experience balance and slowly ramp up to being in control and (2) making sure they consume what they produce (making stop-motion films, writing stories, making movies, programming games, and so on).
Thank you so much for your voice here Lori! I think our technology use will look much like yours when the girls are older. Especially with S being so into media and story telling. She does most of her project work by watching mimicking ballets!
I like the after 3 rule as well. I have a once a day rule but during prime meltdown time might prove much more useful.
Also for us the language aspect is huge. Before I began letting S watch movies in Italian she was boycotting speaking it as she knew no one else speaking it. But now with the three films she likes in Italian her vocabulary and understanding of grammar have greatly improved.
No TV, no movies, no computer for the kiddos here. We are a Waldorf family though, it is part of the whole package that I passionately believe in. They do get introduced, but not until later. My husband is a software developer, when have 10 computers in our house and he is on them to work all day, and I use them to work and to reference things and recipes and such, but not the kids. We have watched an odd video here and there because it is easier to show how a cheetah runs rather than explain it to a 6 year old, but those times are rare. To each his own though, you have to do what works for you and your family. I am not one of the freaky parents who bans ALL TV exposure. I accept that at friend’s houses or at the airport or in the stores, it is everywhere and they are exposed, I don’t make a big deal out of it, we just don’t do it in our home. The thing is, my husband and I don’t watch TV and yes he is on it all day, but he is working. If he plays games or watches a movie it is at night. We talk about it and how some people watch movies and TV, but we choose not to because there is so much to do in the world and we don’t want to miss anything. It isn’t evil or bad, but we choose not to have it be a part of our children’s lives at this time. We get a lot of criticism for it and a lot of people think we are doing a disservice by cutting them off. Like I said, as with everything parenting related, you have to do what fits with you. Just as I do not like to be judged, I try my best not to judge others. This is my path, you have yours. Your children are well loved, well cared for and it looks like you are doing a damn good job of growing 2 wonderful little girls, all the other stuff is totally your path.
Thanks! I was hoping some of my Waldorf readers would join in on the conversation.
we haven’t yet run into the issue of tv out in the world. But I have had problems with my mother of all people. She loves tv and loves to just have it on all the time even if she’s not watching it per say. That really irked me as well as her use of it as a baby sitter. She thinks I should just put a movie on when I want to get stuff done and I am not cool with that. Or if the girls are having tantrums why it put a movie on. It’s really so frustrating and she knows my views but thinks I am wrong.
Just for the record. I have never used the T.V. as a babysitter for my grandchildren. We may watch movies together that are not approved, but we don’t watch T. V, Not at my house and not at your house. And just for the record when we did watch Dumbo sitting on the chair together with a little human warmth, we discussed why a little elephant that has what some people call a defect (big ears) and gets made fun of can overcome that personal adversity (not in those words of course, but in the language of a 3 year old.) and triumph in life. And just for the record, there are never enough people that can love your kids.
We have a TV and a lap top. We don’t own handheld devices or tablets. The TV is covered during the day and my little man is not exposed to it. He has seen the first Cars movie and Toy Story, but they have not really phased him. In fact last week in our cold weather I asked if wanted to curl up with some popcorn and watch Cars with me. He said no to the movie and yes to the popcorn
My hubby watches TV, really his only source of entertainment, he does not play computer games, actually never really uses the computer either. He turns it on after the little man is in bed. I am not really into TV and you will often find me knitting or reading on the couch beside him.
We chose this root for a few reasons, one that it is not recommended for children under two, and even though the little man is now four, it seems to have stuck. We loosely follow a Waldorf philosophy in our home and of course they strongly recommend holding off on TV and computers until later. And lastly, it just felt right. We always seem to be busy doing other things that TV just never really factors into our day.
As with all parenting decisions to each his own. I don’t think there is one right or wrong way, we all find our way on this journey and will make different decisions. I would be a little worried if we all made the same decisions
I love e last sentence of your comment! I also love that so many of you felt confident enough to talk here today and share your thoughts.
“And lastly, it just felt right. We always seem to be busy doing other things that TV just never really factors into our day.”
this! having a full life and abundant interests seems to keep TV/computer/video games in perspective.
I guess you could say we are a very ‘techie’ family. It extends to all things, cameras, gaming consols, computers, laptops and ipads. Hubby works for a SAS company in development so does a lot of designing, coding and development management.
My gorgeous girl is 2 now and extremely (alarmingly) competent with the ipad – she navigates it with ease and can find the aps that she likes and prefers. We limit access daily (some days she doesn’t use it at all, others she’ll have 30 mins or so with me playing with her) and shes very good about putting it down when we say enough. She has variety of singing, seek and find and animal aps. Very occasionally i’ll pop her songs ap on and let her curl up on the sofa with it if shes having a quiet restful day.
Shes not that fussed with the tv as she has a 20 second attention span for non interactive things, likes the theme songs and not a lot else so even if i do pop morning cartoons on she doesn’t pay any attention. She is partial to the wiggles songs (but looses attention if they stop singing)
I never have it on during the day as im not a tv person, but we do like our programmes at night (when im not crafting and he’s not coding) and we love our films.
She also loves cameras and taking pictures (she found rapid shooting today – oh godI have SO many pictures of the floor/sky/my ass that need deleting!
Like you I think its all a moderation thing, I think that as long as its managed the technology available is a wonderful thing and provides access to many experiences and tools.
I don’t think it should be used as a crutch or to distract a child when parents want peace and quiet.
I don’t think it should replace paints, crayons or books, but it does offer a great learning meduim.
Thank you for the thoughtful post on media use. I love your idea of guided use, very practical & sensible for the world we live in.
Thank you! I felt the need to share our experience so that others could chime in.